FINDING
THE RIGHT BALANCE
How can
you tell if your kids are overscheduled with extracurricular activities? Ballet
class, soccer practice, scouting, volunteering ... kids can and do participate
in so many activities. But too many extracurriculars on top of school can spell
o-v-e-r-w-o-r-k-e-d for the child. How many activities are too many?
School
educates kids on important life skills like how to write, spell and read, while
extracurricular activities allow kids to explore other areas like the arts and
sports. Both activities are important, but you must find a balance.
It can be
very tempting to sign your child up for too many activities to expose your
child to a wide variety of things. But that probably isn't the best idea -- too
many activities can come between the child and school and family.
Before
your child gets overloaded, here's what you need to know.
ACTIVITY
OVERLOAD
When you
are running from school to activity to homework, it's easy for parents and kids
to get stretched thin. Molly, a mother of three and owner of Tick-a-Too
(www.tickatoo.com), used to shuttle her daughters between Girl Scouts, dance
classes and bowling teams. The packed schedule meant that sometimes Molly was
left exhausted. "Although the kids enjoyed their activities, the rushing
to go somewhere all the time was starting to take a toll on me. I just wanted
to be able to put my feet up and relax for a moment," says Molly.
Meanwhile,
it was also impacting her daughters' schoolwork. "I do feel like it
affected their school work. Some days there was just not enough time for
it," says Molly.
Educational
consultant and former teacher Sara Lise Raff, a mom of three, says that the
demands of school and how the activity is impacting the child's life should be
factors in choosing activities. "Children may feel tired but should not be
exhausted after participating in an activity. A child is doing too much if they
are unable to eat dinner, finish their homework or required studies on a
regular basis, are extraordinarily angry or have tantrums or just want to go to
sleep after they come home from doing an after school activity," says
Sara.
PARING
DOWN
When your
family enters the realm of activity overload, it's time to make a change. But
how?
For
Molly, that change meant cutting down to just one activity that all her
daughters enjoy, which was dance.
"When
I told them they would not be able to do as many activities they were disappointed,
but I think relieved at the same time," says Molly.
Even if
it's midyear, it can be okay to eliminate the activities that just aren't
working out -- if you do it right. You don't want to send a message that
quitting is okay, but you also don't want your child (or yourself) to be
overtaxed with activities they aren't enjoying. "Sticking with a selected
activity is an important lesson of commitment. However, for a young child who
is only several years old a year-long activity is equivalent to forever. If a
child wants to be removed from an activity, discuss the importance of not
giving up and quitting and set up a test period during which the child must do
his/her best in the activity. If at the end of the test period your child still
does not want to engage, remove him/her from the activity and discuss the
importance of commitment and future selection of activities," says expert
Alexandra Mayzler.
HOW TO
CHOOSE THE RIGHT ACTIVITY
When you
are taking the less is more approach to activities, it's important that you
choose one that is really geared towards your child's interests and likes. For
instance, don't sign your daughter up for dance if she's really passionate
about basketball.
Suzy
Martyn, a parenting consultant and mom, suggests having kids try out an
activity together. "This helps the children in that they get to experience
something together and even if they don't end up continuing in the same
activity later, at least they get to see what one of their siblings might end
up really thriving in. This type of scheduling in the beginning also helps
parents logistically as they only have to drive all their kids to one place at
one time," says Suzy. From there, parents can gauge their kid's interest.
Mary
Ostyn, mother of 10 children and author of A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a
Large Family, says that her children are each allowed one activity per season,
plus swim lessons and music lessons -- but only if they are interested in them.
"Interest is so important--I look for activities that kids are passionate
about, that don't go beyond our budget, and (ideally) that allow other siblings
to do something enjoyable at the same time. For example, activities at our
local rec center are great. Instead of just sitting waiting, kids (and parents)
can swim or run the track while other kids do swim lessons or gymnastics,"
says Mary.
Maintaining
a balance between family time and activity time is important, Mary says.
"More often with our particular family it is mom who gets overworked. As
wonderful as all the various activities sound, we have to remember that mom's
sanity is an important commodity," says Mary.
by Sarah W. Caron, www.sheknows.com/parenting
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